By Reggie Baradell

Michael Vick's PR handlers have picked the Tom Joyner Morning Show for his mea not-so culpa on Tuesday for the same reason that the White House media relations team invariably taps Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh for the much-loathed Dick Cheney's rare media appearances: The loyal-to-a-fault base is the last refuge of publicists.

If you doubt that Vick will meet an overly friendly audience on Tuesday, check this news article excerpt from Joyner's BlackAmericaWeb.com site:

Syracuse University professor and author Dr. Boyce Watkins believes Vick will maintain his "hero" status, just as others have done after facing charges. "Being banned by white America does not always mean that black America will hate you as much," Watkins told BlackAmericaWeb.com. "We've seen it with O.J."

Oh, and there's also this commentary on Joyner's site:

The feds didn't go after Vick because of his race, but the court of public opinion is a far different matter ... Vick is as much a victim of the ugly passions of the times as for his crimes.

And then there's the other commentary, headlined "Is It Me, or Has the Embattled Michael Vick Been Singled Out for Selective Prosecution?"

Finally, there's the matter of the poll on Joyner's site, in which 35 percent of respondents say that Vick is being treated worse because he's black (and an additional 17 percent say he's being treated worse because he's a celebrity.)

As a dog myself (a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, specifically), I would just remind Vick loyalists that there are no more loyal creatures on God's earth than dogs -- like the ones Vick exploited for his own purposes, then callously hanged and electrocuted.

Word to the wise.

Or, as I would tell anyone who got within 10 feet of Vick: Arf! Arf Arf!

Now, to the Four Talking Points.

Many of you may not know this, since I am not on the Idea Grove's leadership page, but I am actually a principal of the agency. I handle all the client accounts that daddy -- I mean the president -- considers "dogs." (I'm assuming he means that as the highest compliment.)

As such, I know a thing or two about damage control ... er, that is, crisis communications ... I mean, reputation management.

Arf it! You get the idea. So anyhow, here are the Four Talking Points I've developed -- in conjunction with Vick's defense team -- for his Joyner appearance:

1. I love dogs.

Or, to quote the defense offered by Deion Sanders: "Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine ... And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street ... I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest."

2. I am too loyal to my friends.

This is an appeal that can resonate with many middle-class African-Americans who rose from difficult circumstances. As Tonyaa Weathersbee correctly puts it, "The one transgression that trips up many black people who find overnight wealth and fame [is] bad association" -- being overly loyal to questionable characters from the 'hood, rather than dropping them as dead weight on the climb to the top. (We're assuming Joyner won't ask Vick about Vick's estranged father, who says that Vick is the mastermind behind the whole operation.)

3. Deer-hunting and greyhound races are wrong, too.

As NBA player Stephon Marbury phrased this defense: "We don't say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals. You know what I mean? From what I hear, dog-fighting is a sport ... There is no list for which animals should be killed and which shouldn't."

Or to quote Derrick Z. Jackson of the Boston Globe: "The national outrage rings a bit hollow ... Vick will be shamed with prison stripes. Greyhound racing, despite its primitive exploitation of dogs, remains a $2 billion business..."

4. I will make things right.

Here Vick can go almost Imus on us. Just like Imus said, "I can come back and create a dialogue. There ought to be a black person on this show every day to add perspective," Vick can say, "I plan to devote myself to animal welfare to make things right."

It didn't work for Imus -- but then again, Imus went on Al Sharpton's radio show -- not David Duke's.

So there you have it.

See what I mean by a mea not-so culpa? This strategy has worked like a charm for the Bush Administration for seven years, so why not? Apologies are for wimps.

I don't know about you, but I think they're going to eat it up on Tuesday.

Kind of like I sometimes eat the cat's poo-poo when daddy -- I mean the president -- isn't looking.

Labels: dogfighting, Michael Vick, sports, Tom Joyner