Congrats, Todd. (And yes, you can click to enlarge.)
Media Orchard Hires Blogging Assistant to Assist with Blogging on Media Orchard
Media Orchard announced today that it has hired precocious toddler Poopypants McGee to write most Media Orchard posts for the foreseeable future.
“After an extensive cost-benefit analysis by Media Orchard’s parent company, the Idea Grove, we have determined that Idea Grove President Scott Baradell’s time is better spent on billable hours, and that writing blog posts is not a cost-effective utilization of his time,” said Slap Forehead, the Idea Grove’s chief financial officer. “We have thus undertaken a massive worldwide search (in the form of a Craigslist ad) to identify a CARB (Cheap Ass Replacement Blogger) for Scott Baradell.”
Adds Meem Littlegay, director of market research for the Idea Grove: “The hiring of CARBs has been a highly efficient tactic used by some of the most widely read blogs in marketing and across all industry sectors. Our research indicates that once a blog reaches a certain threshold of subscribers, people keep coming back to the blog no matter what kind of SAC (Stupid Ass Content) they’re slinging. Of course, Media Orchard isn’t really at that threshold — but screw it.”
Said Baradell: “Poopypants McGee, age 3 and three quarters, writes posts for a pat on the head and a french fry. How can I compete with that?”
Tip to Blog Experts: Plant a Tree to Reduce Your Hot-Air Footprint
The main reason I went into blogging is because it leaves a very small carbon footprint. Unfortunately, many bloggers have decided to make careers on the speaking circuit as “blogging experts” — so many, in fact, that the greenhouse gases they emit during their fetid lectures (including carbon dioxide and, in at least some embarrassing cases, methane) have begun to threaten the blogosphere’s fragile ecosystem.
We know that pengins would catch fire and the planet would die if everyone in China had a car; that much is obvious. By the same token, can the Blue Marble survive the hot air generated simultaneously by thousands of bloggers who market themselves as experts, polluting the ether with BS-generated carbon?
Maybe we need a version of Todd’s Power 150 that awards marketing bloggers a rating representing the number of trees a given blogging expert must plant to compensate for the hot air he or she creates. Ad Age, if you want that idea, it’s all yours.
Here’s Why to Choose the Idea Grove to Help You with Social Media
1. We were the first PR firm in Dallas to “get it.” Scott Baradell started Media Orchard in March 2005 and grew it to become one of the top 3,000 blogs in the world as measured by Technorati. He followed this up in October 2006 by creating his own social news site modeled after Fark and Digg. Today, his firm places in the top search results for most terms that clients use in seeking a Dallas-based PR firm. We know how social media tools work because we’ve been using them ourselves for years.
2. We prove it by doing it — every day. We drive blog, social networking and SEO strategy for clients large and small. We’ve been helping clients with their social media programs for more than two years now; if you can find another PR firm in Dallas that can tell you that, be sure they produce evidence. We can.
3. We won’t beat you down with hipster pretense. We don’t do Buddy Holly glasses and all-black fashion ensembles, and we won’t talk down to you. Hipsters who try to wow you with jargon are usually just trying to cover for their own inadequacies — such as lack of real-world experience.
4. We know what it’s like to run large PR departments. Scott Baradell has served as vice president of communications for two different billion-dollar corporations. He’s spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on PR campaigns with firms like Fleishman-Hillard and Burson-Marsteller. He’s also seen the value in hiring small firms he can trust.
5. We know what it’s like to run startups. Baradell co-founded and raised $3 million in funding for his own venture-backed startup. He understands the challenges of building a business on a shoestring — and to have VCs always looking over his shoulder.
6. We believe in old-fashioned ways of demonstrating value. We don’t think much of vague objectives. We translate our efforts into results — like increased Web traffic, improved search position, you name it. We’re honest about what we can do for you, and we tell you how we’re going to get there.
7. We try to have fun. Life ain’t worth it if you can’t have an occasional laugh. Check out our social news site, Spin Thicket, to see what we mean.
8. Our phone number is easy to remember. It’s 972.235.3439. How hard is that? Just dial it so we can get started.
