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You know, deep deep down in our bodies, we at Media Orchard long to be one of those tough, take-no-prisoners journalists who gets to sit down with Denzel Washington or Angelina Jolie to conduct hard-hitting interviews that result in balanced and in no way ass-kissing profiles.
As fate would have it, we’re stuck writing this damn blog instead. But we can at least live the dream, if only through plagiarism, by borrowing actual questions from celebrity interviews and asking them of our micro-celebrity friend Mike Orren. (We would credit the publications we stole the questions from, but since we’d just be embarrassed if we were them, we decided against it.)
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Gone are the days of the liquid lunch in Dallas. But from the moment he sits down among the power players at a bustling Greenville Avenue sushi joint and orders a round of champagne, it’s clear Mike Orren is a throwback. The Pegasus News founder has dressed for the occasion in an expensive-looking Italian suit and a crisp cobalt blue shirt, which just happens to match his piercing brown eyes.
As Orren cradles a yellowtail sashimi gingerly in his chopsticks (revealing a nurturing side?), I begin to pose questions between munches on the bar’s first-rate edamame.
How do you keep your energy up? Why are your eyes so bright?
I pretty much subsist on a diet of caffeine, chlorine and fear. The bright eyes come from swimming with my dogs every day at our palatial I-30 and Buckner family compound. That and I always sleep through Tuesdays entirely. That helps me recharge my batteries.
You’ve been called a “man’s man.” Describe what that means to you.
It means that even though I was an entrepreneur, at some metaphysical level, I think I am always working for “the man.”
What are your co-workers like to work with? A delight?
Like my childhood copy of The Wizard of Oz counseled: “Pay no attention to the people in front of the curtain.”
Although you’re the president of Pegasus News, it’s been said that you are always willing lend a hand to help out your staff.
Everyone knows that I write every damn word, sell all the ads, write the code, build the servers, sweep the floors, and hand-carry every byte of this digi-rag straight from our office through the tubes of the Interwebs and right into your living room. I put some other names on the masthead so I wouldn’t have to take all the phone calls.
What are some of the pranks you pull in the office?
I like to practice reality-show dismissal lines. So I walk up to people and say things like “the Tribe has spoken,” and my favorite: “You’re fired.” (Laughs hysterically, wipes tear.) Oh, that Donald. Or is it “that the Donald.” Anyhoo, that’s always good for yucks. We also have some toy crossbows, slingshots, etc. that a former intern sent us. And, perhaps the biggest prank is renting an office that’s always freezing cold, even in the middle of summer.
Where does your sense of humor about yourself come from?
Greensboro, NC, along with the rest of me.
What’s your idea of doing something especially romantic?
Coming home with a take-out dinner and an 18-pack of Natural Light and capping the evening with the announcement that I’m quitting my job despite minimal cash reserves in order to start an Interwebs news company. Then, you can just imagine the romantic turns the evening might take from there.
Is sexy really a state of mind?
(Puts hands to temples and stares forward uncomfortably and in silence until the interviewer moves to the next question.)
If you were president, how would you deal with Darfur?
I personally believe… that U.S. Americans are unable to do so… because… Uh… some people out there in our nation don’t have maps… And… uh… I believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and… uh… the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as… And I believe that they should… ur education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S… uh… Or, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries… So we will be able to build up our future… for our [children].
Can you make a connection between the glory of Achilles and your own glory?
Wow. You did your homework. You’re clearly referring to the hit song by the Metal band Manowar. It’s true that I left college early (although I did graduate) in order to work as a roadie on their 1993 comeback tour. I went under the name “Bloodaxe.” Their music made a great impression on me — well, my eardrums at least. And I chose the name Pegasus in homage to the fantastic themes in their music.
How do you stay grounded?
I try not to. Being grounded has never really worked out for me. I find it’s best to keep your feet in the clouds and your head somewhere slightly above ground. If you can pull that off, everything else just falls into place.
[Would you like to be the subject of our next micro-celebrity interview? It's very democratic -- just e-mail us your request to be interviewed at info@ideagrove.com and we'll have you feeling as special as Brad Pitt's seventh cousin in no time.]
8 Ways to Make Money Online with a Digital Camera and Your Girlfriend
Actually, if you don’t mind, let’s try something else.
See, we generally will not click on a list-based blog post anymore, so if you didn’t click on this one for that reason, we don’t blame you. (If you did click on this because of the list, bear with us for a moment.)
Lists are about the surest indicator of a lazy mind you will find online these days — like bulging, vacant eyes are the surest sign of a sociopath.
But since you came here for a list, we’ll give you two:
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4 Reasons Bloggers Like Lists
1. You can write a list without knowing how to write. No need to organize your thoughts into a natural narrative flow. No need to build momentum around a thesis. Any idiot can put two sentences (or in this case, three sentences) together and then go on to the number 2.
2. Lists confer an authority you don’t really have. It’s great to read a post from a 19-year-old Digger who says there are “8 Ways” to do anything. Let’s be clear: There are eight ways that you know of, or think you know of, because your Mommy, Daddy, and your geek buddies told you about them. The other 57 ways, you have no clue about. Oh, and by the way, six of your eight ways are simplistic bullshit, and the other two ways, everybody with two brain cells to rub together already knows.
3. Blog lists require an equal balance of verbal and math skills. For example, the ability to count to 10 is fairly commensurate with the verbal wherewithal needed to compose most 10-point blog lists. So if your head hurts after writing up 7 points, that’s your little brain telling you to stop there.
4. Blog readers like them.
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4 Reasons Blog Readers Like Lists
1. They can be skimmed easily. Most people don’t read this part of the entry; they just read the bolded title, “They can be skimmed easily,” and move on to number 2. Reading this far probably means you’re either really bored or that you received a perfect score on the reading comprehension portion of the SAT. Congratulations.
2. You can stop at any time. Many people get confused trying to follow a person’s idea from one paragraph to the next. Each point in a list is self-contained, so you can stop at any time without getting disoriented or light-headed.
3. Lists make you think the blogger knows what he’s talking about. The blogger’s “8 Ways to Make Money Online with a Digital Camera and Your Girlfriend” follows in the rich tradition of Moses’ 10 Commandments and Woodrow Wilson’s 14 Points. This is true even though six of the “8 ways” are bullshit, and the other two ways, everybody with two brain cells to rub together already knows. Which brings us to number 4.
4. Lists tell you things you already know. And who doesn’t get a little ego boost from that?