OK, OK...no lining up to say, "You already are one" will be necessary.

Seriously, though: Facts are such a hassle.

From the U.K.'s Daily Mirror:

On Monday, February 27, 2006 in a report under the headlines: "RATS TRAPPED" "Bungling gang gets stuck in lift", we stated that eight people who were trapped in a lift at Dundalk Greyhound Stadium were criminally involved in a botched raid on the stadium on Saturday, February 25 last.

We fully accept that the above-recited allegations made about these persons were totally false and without foundation. We wish to retract the entirety of the false statements made concerning them.

We accept that although they were not named or pictured, some readers would have understood the article as referring to the eight persons named above and we accept that the article was defamatory of them.

Accordingly we apologise to each of them for the embarrassment and hurt caused to them by the publication of our report. We have agreed to pay a sum in damages to each of them and their appropriate legal costs.