The Five Most Attention-Starved Celebrities

We’ve been irritated lately by Hollywood celebrities who fall out of the public eye and then make fools of themselves to reclaim the spotlight. And so we present our list of the Five Most Attention-Starved Celebrities.

The key word here is “starved.” Folks like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears don’t qualify because — although they obviously seek attention — they are able to get it. Hence, they’re not starved.

These folks are. They don’t need publicists; they need to give it up.

1. Jenny McCarthy. Jenny tries so hard to be funny that it’s painful for us to watch. Let’s be clear here: Jenny is not funny. But as she slowly sinks to the Z-List, she is fighting her inevitable fate with greater and greater desperation. Her scatalogical Dirty Love is the favorite to win this year’s Razzie for worst movie of the year. As Roger Ebert put it: ” It’s painful to see a pretty girl, who seems nice enough, humiliating herself on the screen. I feel sorry for her.” She also manages to make E’s Party @ the Palms unwatchable, despite the perpetual presence of scantily clad women. And now she’s trying to get attention by saying things in interviews like, “I always wanted an orgy to see what it was like, but never got the opportunity. I have good boobs and I know they’d get a lot of attention,” Oh, so now her boobs need attention, too?

2. Sharon Stone. At some point — like say, age 48 — acting like a ho is just undignified. Basic Instinct 2 is Stone’s Rocky VI; it should never have been made. Don’t believe us? Then read this potty-mouthed review of the film’s uncensored trailer, which is currently circulating around the Web. (You can find a link to the trailer there, too, if you’re so inclined.)

3. Van Halen/David Lee Roth. Eddie and co. apparently will follow in the footsteps of INXS to find a new lead singer in Rock Star: The Series. Roth, meanwhile, replaced Howard Stern. The result: Almost all of Howard’s audience left. Is it too late for Roth to audition for Rock Star?

4. Kirstie Alley/Anna Nicole Smith. There’s nothing wrong with being overweight, per se. But when former sex symbols are willing to exploit their obesity (and subsequent yo-yo dieting) to attract attention, that is true desperation. At least Anna Nicole got an attention fix this week when she appeared before the Supreme Court.

5. Lisa Loeb. No. 1 Single. ‘Nuff said. (Mavs fans, take note: Lisa will sing the national anthem when we take on the Clippers on April 19.)

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